Modesty- Cover the Who Who's and Don't Bend Over Too Far in Public

*this is my personal opinion. If you don't like it, sweet, write it in the comments, but do it in an adult manner please. No poo flinging here.*

This word "modesty" has been thrown around a lot lately, particularly in the church, workplace, or Blog world, and specifically about clothing.  

A girl should be modest in her dress, don't cause your brother to stumble, modest is hottest, leave something to the imagination: there are literally hundreds of phrases encouraging girls to be modest. 

But what exactly is modest? How can one girl wear a sundress and everyone says how cute she is, but the next girl wears skinny jeans and she's accused of hocking her wares? If we're all encouraging modesty, why are there so many different opinions on what that actually entails?

this is what came up when I googled modest clothing. Yep. Spot on. This is how I dress modestly.

In the spirit of knowledge and the pursuit thereof, I decided to look up a few definitions. I've highlighted the important parts for your perusal, since I know ya’ll are lazy and won’t read it all (no biggie, I wouldn't either, see I gotchu back)

mod·es·ty  (md-st)

n.

1. The state or quality of being modest.

2. Reserve or propriety in speech, dress, or behavior.

3. Lack of pretentiousness; simplicity.

 mod·est  (mdst)adj.

1. Having or showing a moderate estimation of one's own talents, abilities, and value.

2. Having or proceeding from a disinclination to call attention to oneself; retiring or diffident.See synonyms at shy.

3. Observing conventional proprieties in speech, behavior, or dress.

4. Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious. See Synonyms at plain.

5. Moderate or limited in size, quantity, or range; not extreme

pro·pri·e·ty  (pr-pr-t)

n. pl. pro·pri·e·ties

1. The quality of being proper; appropriateness.

2. Conformity to prevailing customs and usages.

3. proprieties The usages and customs of polite society.

con·ven·tion·al [kuhn-ven-shuh-nl] 

adjective

1.conforming or adhering to accepted standards, as of conduct or taste: conventional behavior. 

2.pertaining to convention or general agreement; established by general consent or accepted usage; arbitrarily determined: conventional symbols.

3.ordinary rather than different or original: conventional phraseology. 

To break things down in a simpler form, a modestly dressed girl is:

- reserved

-unpretentious
-simple

- disinclined to call attention to herself

- conventional

- not extreme

- a conformist

- ordinary or unoriginal

um....this might just be me....but I almost fell asleep just typing that. Does that list describe someone that I'd like to be? Heck no! 

If I went off of that list, I would say I'm not modest at all! I'm not pretentious or an attention seeker, but nor am I reserved or a conformist, and I definitely don't want to be known as conventional or ordinary.

It seems to me that the word "modest" is being used out of context 95% of the time. What we think we're describing when we say modest is in fact not modesty at all. 

BUT  hear me real good now, read it twice if you have to, I DON'T think that the spirit or intention behind the use of the word modest is wrong.  

(I'm using the word RESPECTFULLY from now on instead of MODESTY. You can jump on the band wagon if you want)
 

We SHOULD dress respectfully!  Women should feel confident and sexy in their own skin, but that doesn't mean that skin should be on display for all the world to see. We should respect ourselves, our bodies, and those around us by dressing in a way that is pleasing and appropriate. But should you change your personality to fit someones mold? Absolutely NOT!

(this goes for EVERYONE, men included! I just don't see too many men having a problem with the word modesty so I will continue to direct my remarks to women)
 

 I enjoy creating my own style and showcasing my personality through that style. I enjoy trying new things and pushing the boundaries. And yes I will admit it, I LOVE when someone comments on my outfits. I like bright colors and bold prints and flashy shoes and none of this, none of this, makes me "immodest".

With that being said, there is a very important part of my life that is indelibly threaded throughout my decisions and lifestyle, and that is my faith. If I had to choose one goal to describe my life, it would be that in anything I do, where ever I may be, whoever I am with, whatever I wear, that Christ's love would be seen in my life. That you would see me, hear me, read this blog, watch my life, and know that I am an imperfect human striving to follow Christ.

 Now, in my personal opinion, I think that a judgmental spirit will turn someone away from Christ more times than a nekkid shoulder will. But what do I know? I'm just an extreme, unconventional, attention seeker. 

 So to get back on track, I'll reiterate my aforementioned question:

What is modesty?

This seems to be a question that is much more difficult to answer than a quick search through Webster. I decided to look at what the Bible really says about clothing..

 I looked at one of my favorite passages in the bible, the Proverbs 31 Woman. You can read the whole chapter here, but this is the section I'm most interested in:

²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

²² She makes coverings for her bed;

    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,

    and supplies the merchants with sashes.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;

    she can laugh at the days to come.

Translation: this girl be HOT

 her whole family is sassy, wearing red in the wintertime, SO chic. Even her bed is adorbs, and she wears purple, super trendy. 

She's so cute, she SELLS clothes to people, everyone wants to dress like her. 

She is strong and dignified and confident. 

 So what does all this mean today? 

Being fashionable is not ungodly or unchristian. It's not a sin, and you sure aren't going to go to hell if you like dressing up. 

 So how do I dress "modestly"?

  Well first off, we need to find a new word yo. Modest is obviously a very confusing word and frankly I'm sick of typing it, so someone for the love of skinny jeans, find a new catch phrase! Like I said, I like "dressing with respect".

But to get back on track to dressing modestly respectfully:

That my friends, is circumstantial. I wish I had a more concrete answer. I wish there was a way you could say, "Ok, go by this list of rules and you'll be officially modest" but there's just not. If we try, someone will think that's not modest enough, someone will say you're now a Puritan, and the fights will continue. You have to just go with your gut.

I have no problem with tank tops, strapless dresses, mini skirts, skinny jeans, shorts, or any other "questionable" item of clothing. But

there is a time and a place.

I work at a Christian company and we have a dress code. Yes I occasionally wear things that might push the boundaries a little bit (cropped pants are not capris dude. Deal.) But I'm not going to wear a really low cut blouse to the office because frankly, it makes me feel uncomfortable to be around a bunch of preachers with my goods hanging out. I also steer away from tight skirts because I climb 2 flights of stairs multiple times a day and it's only funny once to see someone trying to Barbie walk up the stairs. (stick your knees together and walk without losing contact. Hilarious right?)

 

Use your own discretion (and common sense) 

 You are smart (You is kind. You is important)... where was I? Oh right. You KNOW when circumstances call for you to dress with more propriety than say, the beach. If you think you might feel uncomfortable in it, then don't wear it. How do you know you'll feel uncomfortable? When your pulling it up, pushing it down or sucking it in, you feel uncomfortable. Imagine walking in front of your grandparents, your pastor, or the President in it. Feel stupid? Don't wear it. If you can't walk in the heels, don't wear them to the mall. If you know you'll be sitting down a lot, don't wear the pants that are too tight and show your bum but you refuse to get rid of them. Use the brain God gave you. You're not going to be able to please everyone.

 But if you can walk out of your house, knowing you feel confident in what you're wearing, that you are appropriate for the occasion, while still maintaining your own personality, then I say play like Van Gogh and be all "I can't hear you!" when the critics start roaring.

Does this mean I don't wear tank tops? Absolutely not. Does this mean I wear one piece bathing suits? Not since my swim teacher days (which was, ironically, the only time I've had a wardrobe malfunction at a pool. Dang toddlers and their grabby hands). Does this mean I'm going to continue to push the line and try new things and be confident in myself?

You bet your bottom dollar.

Next week I'm going to show a few of my favorite tricks to balance a scandalous clothing item with a more moderate item, all while still feeling

fabulous and RESPECTING MYSELF.