Have You Ever? Ya Me Neither

This has nothing to do with the post, I just thought it was hilarious. You're welcome.

- Have you ever thrown an empty kleenex box at a cricket (because while they might be trying to take over the planet, you still can't handle that crunchy sound they make when you stomp 'em) and you miss the cricket? But suddenly evil cricket takes a giant LUNGE at your face and you scream so loud the next state over probably heard you? (I should have been a screamer in scary movies. Not the actress. Just the screamer. Like a stunt double, but a scream double)

- Have you ever almost ran a poor unsuspecting soul over in the parking lot? And then your car and said soul do a little tango together, first he steps and you brake, then you go and he stops, uh-wait you go-ok no I'll go-o wait you want to-ok now-uh-.

- have you ever called to order a pizza (that gift from the Italian gods) and you completely forget what that round lip covered thing on your face is for? So you panic and say the first thing that comes out "erhm BAHAHAHA erhm I'm wanting to erhm maybe erhm....".
Advice: next time just hang up and try again. Maybe write yourself a script.

No? Never? You've never done any of that?

Oh..yaa.. me neither....

Previously, on Have You Ever: 1/2/3/4